Wednesday, January 12, 2011


It would be unnatural if you didn’t have arguments sometimes with the person you share your life with- after all, we are all individuals and have different ways of dealing with the world. It’s normal to disagree and argue. Some would even call it healthy! ;0) Not to mention, without the occasional argument....there wouldn’t be that great make-up sex after all is said and done.
However, how we go about arguing can make a huge difference in the long term health of our relationship. Learning some simple steps and keeping some rules of engagement in mind can go a long way towards reinforcing your love instead of tearing it down. You are a team, not rivals on the road of life. Neither of you are perfect. Always try to remember what it might be like for the other person to have to be living with you. Sorry, truth hurts at times but it’s a good thing to keep in the back of your mind. And it doesn’t mean that you roll over in every argument. Just keep your mind open to some things that you might be able to correct in future to avoid repeat of events.
Pain Vs Power: A lot of arguments happen over hurt feelings- often hers. Sorry, but true. Women are emotionally driven in the majority of all we do. These confrontations can single-handedly ruin a relationship. When you take an “I’m hurt” confrontation and turn it into a “win-at-all-costs-power-struggle” (which is easily done, because hurt instinctively causes defensive reactions), you are eroding the bond between the two of you. Some men by nature, seem to view disagreements as competitions to be won, or feel they have to defend themselves against accusations they “hear” but that haven’t been made.
If she’s hurt, instead of getting defensive or angry that you are being “blamed” for something, try to listen to what she’s telling you. It’s not a competition, it’s a chance to understand what upsets her so that you don’t do it again in the future OR better yet, it’s a chance to help her to understand your actions so that they don’t hurt or offend her in the future. It’s a fact that more often than not almost all of our arguments are the result of a misunderstanding. I mean come on. How many times have you had that HUGE “it’s over” in the moment fight only to wake up a few days later and you can’t even remember what it was about?
The Power Play: Some arguments are over control. Who gets to pick the furniture, where to go to eat, or how to spend money are issues in which both sides want to win. Finances are huge and sadly one of the stupidest things to fight over. Does the saying “Ya can’t take it with ya!” ring a bell? But yet it tears people apart.
Here are some ground rules that you might want to try:
No Contempt: Contempt is the #1 indicator of a relationship that isn’t going to last. If you resort to name calling, eye rolling or putdowns, you might as well start dividing up the stuff and look for a new place to live. 98% of all communication is “body language” people. You know what I mean. “That guy gave me a dirty look!” when the guy might have just been having a bad day and have been thinking about the fight that he had with his partner earlier and the emotions showed on his face as he looked in your direction. And then it could be that he gave you a dirty look. BUT point is....Only HE KNOWS for certain which of those it was.
Reflective Listening: This is so IMPORTANT! Make certain that you understand what you think you heard the other person say by repeating what you just heard back.
“So, let me make sure that I have this right...You are saying that my wagon wheel table can never have a place in our home?”
“No, I’m saying...that it doesn’t work in the living room. BUT I think it would be a better fit in the basement where we are going to have a game room.”
Clarifying what you think someone is saying to you can go a long way towards heading off nastiness and making sure that what you heard is what they meant.
Then there are...
Children: WOW! Now this’s huge! Each of you have an idea in your head as to how your children should act, be corrected and so on. This needs to be shared and parents need to be on the “same page” so to speak. It’s hard enough for a couple who are the biological parents of children. It’s far worse for those who are in a relationship with someone who has children with another person. And here is what I mean by that.
Let’s say, Jack and Jill had kids and Fred and Wilma had kids. ok? Both couples divorced or separated and now Jack and Wilma are together and sharing a home. Jacks kids are disrespectful to Wilma because maybe Jack says that they are his kids and he will handle them or maybe Jill has even told them that they don’t have to listen to Wilma because she isn’t their mother. Whatever the case may be. It’s B.S! If Jack and Wilma are sharing a home together, then those kids, Wilma’s included, SHOULD be respectful and listen to Wilma’s as if she WERE mom! Because 9 times out of 10, it’s Wilma that’s stuck at home dealing with the kids while Jack is at work. I’m speaking from my own personal experience on this one. And this goes vice versa as well. Jack needs to be respected by ALL children under that roof as if he WERE dad. Jack and Wilma HAVE TO back one another up! They must be supportive of one another when it comes to their children, EVEN if it means that the kids might get mad at them. Because the truth is that if kids are pissed off once in a while at the parent who corrects ill behavior and is showing their kid how to be a responsible/respectful adult...then said parent is doing their JOB! As long as all is fair and no one is abusing anyone emotionally or physically it’s all part of life. Jack and Wilma HAVE TO be a TEAM! or the kids (who are masters at the art of manipulation), will eventually tear Jack and Wilma apart. I mean come on...what kid wouldn’t want to go live with the parent who gives the most and expects the least? and if they can have some fun torturing the “other” me...they will while sticking their tongue out at mom or dads partner as they do it. Jack and Wilma need to sit down with all the kids and set some house rules/guidelines (What do you picture your household looking like? can the kids scream and yell at adults in home? not clean rooms? not pick up after themselves? Lie? And so on) as well as agreeing upon consequences that need to be followed with BOTH adults backing each other up. And if Jill and Fred don’t like it....TOUGH! as long as their children are not being abused and are warm, respected, clothed, loved and fed...there is nothing to complain about. They have NO say in what goes on inside Jack and Wilma’s home. and vice versa.
Most importantly: Keep in mind that not every conflict can be settled so that all parties are happy, BUT you can argue without damaging the core of your relationship. If you are prone to really hurtful, drawn-out fights, it helps to see a counselor to learn some proactive healthy conflict management skills.

Thursday, December 30, 2010


I could use some feedback on this one folks. I'm not sure how to fully answer this one. So click the comment link right above this post and let me know your thoughts please. here’s the scenario....
Man and Woman get ready for bed. Woman is dressed attractively all day looking really cute! Man is thinking wow now this is looking good for later tonight. Woman is thinking..Hmm...wonder if I look ok? nothing is said...they climb into bed naked and snuggle. He's thinking..."I'm gonna do this for a bit, in a few minutes it will be worth it". Man thinks...gonna score me some points and says “It’s nice cuddling with you”. Woman thinks...Hmm....ok...wonder what’s up? rolls over cuddling more and falls asleep. Man thinks “What the heck? Thought this was going somewhere? Whatever”, rolls over and both go to bed with a bit of an attitude. Both thinking that the other is pissed.

I know my response....COMMUNICATION! LOL Just ask. “Hey, is something wrong?” And see what happens from there.
But I’m curious, what do you have to say on this? I would like to hear something from both sexes if possible. Is one right and one wrong? Maybe a little of both? Any tips, Similar situations?

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Passion vs. Children

Hmm...keeping PASSION alive in a relationship once children have entered the picture. Is it possible?
It’s just sad when I hear some tell me that it isn't. At least when they feel that it isn't. Now I'm not saying that things don't change. Because they sure do. For example...not having to worry about someone getting up for a drink of water or because they had a bad dream is nice. Not having to hold back from expressing your pleasure in the event is a nice thing as well. I think that’s the toughest for me personally. I’m very audio. I need to hear that what I’m doing is well liked. am I going to know? Hearing ones pleasure is very arousing and assists me in reaching climax. Now that doesn’t mean screaming either. I wouldn’t blame a kid for being a little freaked out by that. :) I suggest saving those moments for the casino hotel room..... it seems that the room next to mine is the place to let those emotions out....everyone else does it. LOL
I hear that a lot of people begin to curb themselves once children enter the scene. Now I’m not saying ignore that they are there and go for it right in front of them regardless. NO WAY!! I’m saying that there are ways that passion and desire can be expressed even while they are in the room. Kind of going back to the All Day Foreplay thing. I’m talking about pinches on the butt cheeks, nibbles on the neck or sly brushing of the breast as you reach for something. Notice the word SLY? Pretend you’re James Bond and be “stealthy” about it. This kind of affection displayed in front of a child I believe is healthy. Notice again that I did NOT say Groping of genitals or massive make out sessions in front of the child!  But mom and dad displaying affection and love for one another is a normal healthy piece of relationship that I think should be shared. It helps the child set the standards for healthy, happy relationships in the future.
Some people tell me that they are just exhausted..little Johnny is up and down all night and they aren’t sleeping well and so the only ‘game’ in the bedroom that’s played is when mom and dad race to see who gets to hit the pillow first. me...been there and done that. But when a couples sexual bond becomes less significant, other issues can manifest themselves. Sleep is important...but relationships without Passion can be FATAL!
Sex is NOT everything in a relationship. But it does have a major impact on it. Thousands of dollars in couples counseling can be saved if only one thing is never put on the back burner: lots of passionate sex!!!!
Our Household Motto is....... “Don’t panic when you hear ‘those’ noises coming from Mommy and Daddy’s room. Freak out when you Don’t!! ;0)

Thursday, December 23, 2010


ALL 5 Senses:
Did you know that sex is WAY better for both involved when all FIVE senses are addressed? It's not just about the Wham Bam thank you Ma'am! Not by a long shot. The richer, fuller and exciting the sex is...the more intense and satisfying the orgasm will be! Makes sense to me! I tell you folks...I can not stress how AMAZING this book " The Passion Parties Guide to GREAT SEX " by Pat Davis is! It is a MUST HAVE for all people. What an eye opener it has been. Even for someone like me no stranger to the game. LOL
But back to the 5 senses.......
SIGHT: which is more exciting to see..clutter, laundry scattered or unpaid bills piled up VS. a neat bedroom, no distractions, maybe a scarf over the lamp to soften the light to a nice rosey glow?
HEARING: washing machine running int he background, T.V. blasting, and as for the "act" itself...maybe a grunt or groan here and there VS. Maybe soft sounds of nature, soft music and for te "act" itself, sharing your pleasure with "oohs" and "Ahhs" to express what each touch or kiss is having, maybe even "don't stop" or "that feels good".
TASTE: skin that tastes like moisturizer or salty after a long day VS. Maybe a nice fruit flavor massage cream or a tingly nipple nibbler.
SMELL: The everyday scents of work, sweat, cooking, pets and what not VS. a spicy incense in the background, a little cologne behind the ears, wonderfully perfumed skin after a hot bubble bath or some scent that triggers the memory of when you fisrt met.
and finally...
TOUCH: You both are rushed, one to finish laundry, one to watcht he TV and so you just jump right to the Sex in order to get back to things with minimal touching. VS. Spending a few minutes caressing one another painting pictures with your fingertips, teasing and tantilizing one another, brushing over one anothers nipples and so on.......
Now...take a minute and go through....close your eyes and imagine each of these things in each department and see which one sounds better to you. We are all individuals. Pick the one that right for you and then put it into action.
Some might say....well no way will my man do that for me. Ummm....maybe not. Maybe thats because you gave up on it as well. Maybe you should make that extra effort and see if he doesn't react to it.
Use these tips...Set the mood. When he sits down in front of the TV for game night....walk around the house with nothing but his teams jersey on. Sit next to him and his bowl of popcorn and GET HIS ATTENTION! Meaning.....if he isnt willing to participate....take matters into your "own hands". Maybe he'll just watch...doubt it...but maybe? OR maybe you will become far more interesting then that game and you two start your own.
Then there is the chance that he HONESTLY LOVES the game and if thats the case...that should be respected and a different time chosen. Only you know how he really feels about sports or what not.
I hope that this gives you something to think about. Maybe incorporate into your relationship on a regular basis or even just for a trial run. Either way I hope that you get enjoyment from it and that it re-kindles some of your old feelings and maybe sparks some new ones. In the words of one of my FAVORITE mood setters...Michael Buble...It's a new dawn, It's a new day, It's a new life For me, And I'm feeling good!!!!!!!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

All Day Foreplay!

Why all day? Doesnt it get boring? Well...if it does....your doing it all wrong!
Again we tend to get caught up in all of the everyday hustle and bustle and forget to give ourselves and our partners some much needed attention. But all day? Yes...all day! lol Its a simple little thing...think of it as a game. It starts off with what Pat Davis likes to call "Bringing the Right Woman to the Bedroom"! now you may be thinking...Oh hell no I'm not bringing another woman to the bedroom! LOL Although fun for some...thats NOT what she, or I mean. look at it like this...if you have had a long day at work, your tired, frustrated and maybe a little crabby and you climb into your partner going to have any fun....AND if you have the kind of partner thats ready cause the wind blew...are you going to enjoy it? I'm thinking not1 THATS bringing the wrong woman to the bedroom. Simple trick to bringing the right one to the bedroom is maybe taking...notice I said taking (not having) the time to pamper yourself. Maybe you like manicures or pedicures to help you feel pretty or special. Maybe its a silky piece of lingerie that assists with feeling sexy. Some of our aroma therapy products work nice to for soaking in the tub and having silky soft feeling skin. Whatever it is that makes you feel like a Princess, Pretty, Sexy, good about yourself overall....THATS the Right Woman to bring to the bedroom.
Now all day foreplay is a simple little "game" that you and your partner can play. It doesnt mean all day in bed.....although that at times can be nice...but for todays modern mother....not too likely. lol
At some point while your scrambling around to gEt ready in the morning....give him a nice flirty wink...maybe blow in his ear as he is shaving (watch out and make sure its not around his throat LOL)..or slip a love note in their pocket or briefcase that states how much you want to spend time with them tonight. Whatever it is that fits your style. THEY are Gonna LOVE IT! and think about it ALL DAY. Maybe at some point during the day contact them and remind them how much you care and how much you are attracted to them. the time you get home and the kids are in bed....all those thoughts ALL DAY LONG...can get put into action.
Just a fun thought! can be! ;0)
Try it and let me know how it works out... ;0)

Friday, December 17, 2010


Again....stressing the importance of getting out as an adult couple and having fun.
For those of you who do not know me....I LOVE to sing! ;0) It's one of my many Passions! I'm not the best at it....But I'm not the worst either! LOL
I haven't been able to go to one of my favorite places in a while because of other things going, lack of time, life and what not. Well....
Lastnight after working all day, getting the kids ready with dinner and such......We went out! YAY! lol
It was such FUN! I got to see people that i havent seen in a long time and sing and hold hands with my hubby and just.....well, be free so to speak, for a bit. It's amazing what that alone will do for a couple.
Earlier that day I was wound up with work issues and everyday life things in general.....(which by the way....why do bill collectors ONLY call when you CAN'T pay them and then when you CAN...The DON'T call?! ok...that was just a blurp in my thoughts process here....sorry!) ;0) moving along...
Charles was beat tired after getting up at 4 am, going to the gym and then to work and driving home an hour then out again with me. Only to have to get up early and do it all again.
So we went out...had a GREAT time...relaxed...un wound...laughed and visited with old friends and sort of re-charged! It was awesome. We came home and our teenagers thought I was drunk (I wasn't) because I was beeming. I was happy and joking around with them, being a goofball. It was kind of sad, because they were not used to seeing me like that. Not in a while anyway. So it was obvious to me that life and how I was running mine was not working and effecting the entire house. Just that little re-charge made a huge difference on my household. It was as if a light went on for me. I didnt realize how ...I dont know...somber I had gotten, Grouchy, bitchy even. But just sharing that little bit of the old me with the kids and having fun pointed out to me how I really had. I dont want to do that. Or be that. lol Not when I dont have to be.
So I will say it again...get out! Even if it is just for a little bit. You don't realize how you can so easily get sucked into everyday stresses and how easily that pattern begins to effect your family.
Have FUN! vivere, la risata, l'amore! = Live, Laugh, Love!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Introducing a new toy into the bedroom

Alright....I had a client call me and ask if fighting and arguing are normal in a relationship. First off I made sure that she was safe and not talking about physical altercations or abuse and she confirmed none of that was going on. So I asked her to describe it to me (mind you this is a relatively young woman). Her answer: “’s like this. He leaves the toilet seat up and sometimes in the night I don’t see that it is up and I sit on the nasty part of the toilet and my butt gets wet”........Now ladies, how many of us have Been there, Done that?! :) She goes on to tell me that “the cap to the toothpaste is always left off”. “He doesn’t want to try new things in the bed room”. BINGO! Now we are talking. LOL
We went into a little more detail as far as what they do, how she feels and what and how she has gone about trying new things. After breaking her heart a little in regards to basically "Good Luck" with the toilet seat & toothpaste...we got down to business on how to approach your partner with new things. Can you all guess what my first suggestion was? lol COMMUNICATION! ;0)
You have to talk to your partner. You have to not only let them know how happy and satisfied you are with them but more importantly, in a very respectful and non threatening way, you need to express the areas in need of improvement. Otherwise, How will they know? They are not mind readers and neither are we.
Expressing how much fun it will be for both of you is one way to bring it up. Simply looking at items and suggesting indirectly how good that looks like it will feel, is another.
Again, Communicating with one another about the safe zone, so to speak. for example. 9 times out of 10 one of you will not want to experience a vibrator anally(lol at first). And that needs to be make clear AND it needs to be respected by your partner. Same with any form of restraint. The one being restrained, even with play/Velcro items needs to feel safe in doing so in order to be able to enjoy it if that’s what they want (I highly suggest ONLY doing this with someone you trust and know well, even then make sure that you can break away if you 'really had to') it can be a fun experience or turn into a nightmare really fast. TRUST with COMMUNICATION for sure on that one.
Another great idea is creating a safe word. Something as easy as the colors of the stop lights. Red=stop, Yellow=proceed slowly I’m uncomfortable but willing to try it and Green=GO FOR IT! ;0) May sound goofy, but if you or your partner want to try something new, having this in place and realizing that if it is tried and not liked and your partner says RED, you STOP immediately, not once your finished with your thought, or what you were trying. You Stop!
Choosing an item that is not too large or intimidating at first is a good way to go to. You don’t want your partner to feel uncomfortable. Ease into toys slowly.
Maybe start with a small feather and some edible powder. Or some fun flavored oils that can lead to games such as “name the flavor”. Place small dabs of different flavors on different parts of your body and have your lover explore you in search and see if they can find all of them and name them correctly. Maybe there will be a reward at the end of the game? ;0)
Bottom line is again....communication. It’s a must. Feeling safe and secure with your partner opens doors for toys as well. Starting off slowly and knowing when to stop and if a toy is rejected at some point, doesn’t mean that it is forever. Maybe re approach that one again at a later time after communicating and finding out what wasn’t liked about it and why?
Check out the variety of toys on my site and see if there is one that might be right for you........;0)
Happy Exploring!!!!