Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Introducing a new toy into the bedroom

Alright....I had a client call me and ask if fighting and arguing are normal in a relationship. First off I made sure that she was safe and not talking about physical altercations or abuse and she confirmed none of that was going on. So I asked her to describe it to me (mind you this is a relatively young woman). Her answer: “Well...it’s like this. He leaves the toilet seat up and sometimes in the night I don’t see that it is up and I sit on the nasty part of the toilet and my butt gets wet”........Now ladies, how many of us have Been there, Done that?! :) She goes on to tell me that “the cap to the toothpaste is always left off”. “He doesn’t want to try new things in the bed room”. BINGO! Now we are talking. LOL
We went into a little more detail as far as what they do, how she feels and what and how she has gone about trying new things. After breaking her heart a little in regards to basically "Good Luck" with the toilet seat & toothpaste...we got down to business on how to approach your partner with new things. Can you all guess what my first suggestion was? lol COMMUNICATION! ;0)
You have to talk to your partner. You have to not only let them know how happy and satisfied you are with them but more importantly, in a very respectful and non threatening way, you need to express the areas in need of improvement. Otherwise, How will they know? They are not mind readers and neither are we.
Expressing how much fun it will be for both of you is one way to bring it up. Simply looking at items and suggesting indirectly how good that looks like it will feel, is another.
Again, Communicating with one another about the safe zone, so to speak. for example. 9 times out of 10 one of you will not want to experience a vibrator anally(lol at first). And that needs to be make clear AND it needs to be respected by your partner. Same with any form of restraint. The one being restrained, even with play/Velcro items needs to feel safe in doing so in order to be able to enjoy it if that’s what they want (I highly suggest ONLY doing this with someone you trust and know well, even then make sure that you can break away if you 'really had to') it can be a fun experience or turn into a nightmare really fast. TRUST with COMMUNICATION for sure on that one.
Another great idea is creating a safe word. Something as easy as the colors of the stop lights. Red=stop, Yellow=proceed slowly I’m uncomfortable but willing to try it and Green=GO FOR IT! ;0) May sound goofy, but if you or your partner want to try something new, having this in place and realizing that if it is tried and not liked and your partner says RED, you STOP immediately, not once your finished with your thought, or what you were trying. You Stop!
Choosing an item that is not too large or intimidating at first is a good way to go to. You don’t want your partner to feel uncomfortable. Ease into toys slowly.
Maybe start with a small feather and some edible powder. Or some fun flavored oils that can lead to games such as “name the flavor”. Place small dabs of different flavors on different parts of your body and have your lover explore you in search and see if they can find all of them and name them correctly. Maybe there will be a reward at the end of the game? ;0)
Bottom line is again....communication. It’s a must. Feeling safe and secure with your partner opens doors for toys as well. Starting off slowly and knowing when to stop and if a toy is rejected at some point, doesn’t mean that it is forever. Maybe re approach that one again at a later time after communicating and finding out what wasn’t liked about it and why?
Check out the variety of toys on my site and see if there is one that might be right for you........;0)
Happy Exploring!!!!


  1. Your right again, it all comes down to communication. i am willing to try just about anything (just about) as long as i know if it is not going how i was hoping then it will be stopped immediatly. Everyone should be able to feel safe with there exploring, and exploring is one thing that keeps the passion going. The game of name that flavor sounds interesting, (hint, hint). From one Explorer to another, "GREEN LIGHT"....lol

  2. Can't wait for the next Blog discussion hun, loving this new passion blog deal...and of course loving you...